Ego

Mike Robbins: Are You Addicted To Struggle?

Published 2012-04-03T13:55:13+00:000000001330201204 | By Doc Hollywood

During a session I had with my new coach last week it became clear to me that I’ve been addicted to struggle for much of my life. While I wasn’t super excited to admit this, it has actually been quite liberating to address my struggle addiction directly and to see how it impacts just about every aspect of my life and work. How about you? Are you addicted to (or at least very familiar with) struggling in your own life?

As I’ve thought about it more over this past week, I realize that I have some real resistance to allowing things to come easy, and that my attachment to struggling runs deep within me (as it does for so many people I know and work with). Here are some of the main “reasons” I’ve used and beliefs I’ve held for many years to justify my own struggling:

If I don’t have to struggle for something, it doesn’t really mean all that much.

If things come easy to me, other people will get jealous, won’t like me, and/or won’t respect me.

It’s not fair for things to be easy for me (i.e., I have to struggle) — especially with so many people having such a hard time these days.

I actually get off on struggling and suffering — I’m quite familiar with it, and I’ve used it as motivation to change and “succeed” for much of my life.

My ability to work hard, overcome adversity, and rise above challenges are all things my ego uses to feel superior to others.

If I don’t struggle for something, when it happens I won’t feel like I deserve it.

Struggling allows me to avoid taking responsibility for certain aspects of my life and keeps me “focused,” so I get to avoid uncomfortable feelings, situations, and circumstances I don’t really want to deal with.

Can you relate to any of these? Maybe you have others as well.

Getting in touch with some of these reasons and beliefs has been both painful and eyeopening at the same time. As I think, talk, and write about them, I realize how ridiculous some of them are and how much of my life’s energy I’ve been giving away to them in the process.

It’s almost like I’m walking around worried that someone’s going to say to me, “Mike, you have it so easy,” and I’m preparing my defensive responses: “Oh yeah, well let me tell you how hard I work, how challenging things have been for me, and how much stuff I’ve had to overcome along the way.” What’s up with this? It’s like I’m preparing for a fight that doesn’t even exist. Do you ever do that?

While working hard, overcoming challenges and adversity, and being passionately committed to important and complex things in our lives aren’t inherently bad, resisting ease and being attached to struggle causes me and so many of us a great deal of stress, worry, and pain. And in many cases this difficulty is totally self-induced and unnecessary.

What if we allowed things to be easier? What if we started to speak about and own the aspects of our lives that are actually easy to us and started to expect things to get even easier? What if we let go of our attachment (or addiction, as it were) to struggle? Easy doesn’t mean lazy — that we aren’t willing to work in a passionate way, or that we expect a “free ride.” It means that we’re willing to have things work out, trust that all is well, and allow life to flow in a positive and elegant way for us.

Our desire and ability to embrace ease in our life isn’t selfish, arrogant, or unrealistic — it’s profoundly optimistic (in an authentic way) and can actually enhance our ability to impact others. The more energy and attention we place on surviving, getting by, or even “striving” for success, the less available we are to give, serve, and make a difference for other people. Although it may seem counterintuitive to us, letting go of our addiction to struggle is one of the best ways we can show up for those around us — both by our example and with our freed up positive energy.

My coach suggested that I start wearing a “struggle patch,” like a nicotine patch that people wear in their process of breaking an addiction to smoking. While at first it seemed a little ridiculous, I actually took her up on the suggestion and put on a band aid as a representation of my “struggle patch.” I’m allowing the band aid to represent my own commitment to break this addiction, and it actually has been altering my perception of myself and my life. Feel free to use this technique yourself!

As Richard Bach famously stated, “Argue for your limitations and they’re yours.” What if we stopped arguing on behalf of how “hard” things are and started to allow our life to be filled with more peace and ease, instead of perpetuating the struggle? While the idea of things authentically being easy may not be, ironically, the easiest thing for you to embrace, I challenge you (as I challenge myself) to take this on in your life and become more comfortable with it. Maybe it will actually be easier than you think!

For more by Mike Robbins, click here (http://www NULL.huffingtonpost NULL.com/mike-robbins).

For more on success and motivation, click here (http://www NULL.huffingtonpost NULL.com/news/success-and-motivation).

For more on emotional wellness, click here (http://www NULL.huffingtonpost NULL.com/news/emotional-wellness).

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info — www.Mike-Robbins.com (http://www NULL.mike-robbins NULL.com)

Denise M. Wilbanks: To Be or Not to Be

Published 2012-04-01T05:55:24+00:000000002430201204 | By Doc Hollywood

Much has been argued from Shakespeare’s lines, “To be or not be,” placed as the opening of Hamlet. While many conceive a correlation with death, I have my own take on the possible meaning.

Over the years I have been uncovering my own layers of what is known as “the shadow.” According to Carl Jung, the shadow is prone to projection, turning a personal inferiority into a perceived moral deficiency in someone else. These projections cripple individuals by forming an even thicker fog of illusion between the ego and the real world; they lead us to create a particular interpretation about ourselves.

The manner in which we actualize that interpretation is directly related to what we wish to hide about ourselves, thus giving rise to the term “shadow.”

In 1999, I was privileged enough to run into someone who inspired me to learn more about the effects of the shadow. I became aware of how the wave of extended beliefs create a devastating ripple effect carried throughout our body, mind and spirit, touching everything we hold sacred, including our relationships. In a very surreal and intense weekend course, I awoke and recognized how much of my thought processes had affected my condition of fibromyalgia. This condition was so intolerable that thoughts of suicide came as a result of severe depression and the inability to manage pain.

Once I learned the five simple techniques offered by the “More to Life” team of experts, I went to work in disabling the patterns and behaviors I had entangled as a unit within my mind. The transformation was profoundly significant, and since then I have adopted the role of advocate and mentor for others to take a step into this realm of consciousness. I can now attest that “to be” is a state of awareness of self, sustained by that which we proceed from. The fundamental underlying force of all creation, an enigma I refer to as Love.

What did Shakespeare suggest when posing “not to be” in the form of a question? Anyone who has traveled the rocky roads of self-transformation can tell you that embarking on a journey of discovery is not for the faint at heart. It requires a warrior’s heart and a fierce determination to conquer the unknown. One must behold the intention of spiritual awakening with the mindset that regardless of what happens, one is already the winner. Day after day the only requirement is to fearlessly make a clear choice, saying “yes” to life as it comes without wishing to skew pain. As said by Kahlil Gibran: “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.”

Recognizing and letting go of one’s resistance to be impacted by life’s ebb and flow is what gives us a wider perspective of reality. In the grand scheme, we are called upon to view our experiences as opportunities, moving us closer toward evolution. So then, it is imperative that the question “or not to be” be considered and answered moment by moment.

I encourage you to engage in a journey of self-transformation where you ask yourself time and time again “to be or not to be.” There are times when one must set aside that which we fear and allow our more instinctual senses to guide us. Getting through the times when I have put my heart out on the table have not been at all easy, but these experiences continue to expel all my inhibitions, making travel within the majestic passage of the soul nothing short of miraculous.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (http://www NULL.suicidepreventionlifeline NULL.org/).

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Mike Robbins: Are You Addicted To Struggle?

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