Intimacy

Dr. Veronica Anderson: The Toe-Curling Fix Divorcees Need Most

Published 2012-02-04T20:35:31+00:000000003129201202 | By accidenthelp

We humans are sexual beings. We need to be touched. We thrive and survive on being loved physically — and obviously emotionally too. But what do you do when you’ve been in a relationship that sunk a long time ago, leaving you stranded without any intimacy in your life? People in bad relationships have been missing out for way too long; when they do eventually get divorced and re-engage in sex after a sabbatical, how is it for them?

After years of no sex — or even just empty, mechanical sex — divorced people discover a sudden renewed vigor in their post-split sex lives. Countless divorcees rave about their newfound singleton sexual freedom and after being conditioned to believing that life without it is fine; they realize just how important sex really is. You can’t simply “delete” it and ignore that it exists. So once divorcees venture back into the world with open eyes and a clean slate, they can’t believe what they’ve been missing all those years. Without all the bad relationship clutter clouding their minds, they often realize that the absence of sex was a major part of their marriages’ demise.

We now have years of research data confirming what most of us already know intuitively: sex is about as basic and innate the need as food, water and oxygen. We need it to survive. Deprive someone of it for years and what do you get? You get the compounded effects that you see from years of abusing one’s health. It’s not too different than a situation in which a person keeps pumping bad food into their system and ends up with a life-altering disease.

People With Strong Sex Lives Live Longer

Consider this: According to Dr. Howard S. Friedman, (http://www NULL.faculty NULL.ucr NULL.edu/~friedman/) co-author of The Longevity Project (http://www NULL.howardsfriedman NULL.com/longevityproject/) (along with Dr. Leslie R. Martin), sex is the cornerstone to living a longer, healthier life. In fact, it’s not just a matter of “wham bam thank you ma’am,” rather it’s very much physiological. It’s not merely about the sex itself; it is about the release of hormones that takes place, coinciding with an emotional connection to the intimate experience. For women, that is measured in the number of orgasms they have, something that Dr. Friedman concludes after considering eighty years of compiled psychological research. For men as well as women, the physiological benefit is a matter of oxytocin release — something that occurs while they are in the act of giving through touch during sex. In both cases — medically speaking — the pleasure factor is directly linked to physical benefits of sex, which are largely connected to the release of hormones.

When we bring a new baby into the world, there is a phenomenon that occurs if the baby is not touched, physically nurtured or cuddled. The medical terminology for this is Failure to Thrive (http://www NULL.ncbi NULL.nlm NULL.nih NULL.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001986/). Children suffer a number of adverse conditions as a result of abuse or neglect — which can be linked back to the Failure to Thrive. Think about it. If we are dependent on touch from the moment we are born, it makes perfect sense that as adults we would need the same intimacy in our lives. Many couples in bad marriages are in “Failure to Thrive” situations. Though it may be voluntary on both parties’ part, more often than not one person in the marriage withholds sex as a punishment. Have you ever heard of someone holding back food or water? Holding back sex for whatever reason is an act of neglect and it directly contributes to a “Failure to Thrive” existence.

Universally — regardless of culture, religion, race or socio-economic status — divorced men tend to die (http://www NULL.huffingtonpost NULL.com/2011/08/18/single-death-early-married_n_930465 NULL.html) sooner than married men. In fact, when you hear about how one long-married spouse dies soon after the death of their partner, it is often because of the lack of oxytocin release. Similarly, when people stay in sexless, loveless relationships, they are on an early track to death. Even though women’s mortality is not affected by divorce, the sudden parting of the clouds after a divorce can completely get both men and women back on the track to healthy living.

I am a huge advocate of good sex, for both pleasure and health reasons. Not just empty, meaningless, mundane and obligatory physical exchange — but real, deeply engaging, wholly satisfying curl-your-toes sex. Countless times I have unabashedly talked about the need for it in our lives, and yet it remains a taboo topic that almost always creates some serious controversy. What is it with the world? When will we realize as a society that being sexually selfish is bad for health? It’s okay to indulge ourselves in longevity, happiness, good health, strong companionship and lasting self-assuredness stemming from a vibrant sex life. It’s essential to look beyond the age-old social mores that taught us “sex is something to be ashamed of.” Sex is paramount to living healthy and whole lives and is and nothing to be ashamed of.

If you’re in a bad relationship, try counseling and rehabilitating your marriage. But if you can’t get anywhere and both partners are living in a “Failure to Thrive” situation, I say move on and join the ranks of countless other divorcees who are now enjoying a newfound freedom in their lives. It might be time for a little sex re-education though since you’ve been out of the loop so long. Who knows what you’ve been missing out on?

The next time a doctor records a patient’s medical history and asks questions about smoking, drinking, drugs, marital status and lifestyle, he or she should also be asking about the patient’s intimacy history. The reason we record this medical history is to formulate a long-term plan for our patients’ health. Sex and intimacy are definitely a part of health, so it needs to be included in the plan. If we notice an area that needs attention, patients should be referred to physicians that specialize in Sexual Medicine (http://sexualmed NULL.org/). A prescription for great sex is part of healthy living.

An often overlooked but majorly important aspect of this sexual and medical counseling is continuous education about safe sex. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of safe sex, regardless of whether you’re in a monogamous relationship or not. Here’s the mandatory prescription from your doctor: Safe Sex Equals Great Sex.

Macey Leigh Thompson: 4 Ways To Keep Off Post-Wedding Weight

Published 2012-01-18T22:51:25+00:000000002531201201 | By accidenthelp

Are you someone who has made a New Year’s Resolution that involves weight-loss, exercise, health, or fitness goals? Are you also someone’s other half? Whether you are dating, engaged living together or married, your partner can be your best (or possibly worst) asset. If you want some help staying on track with your New Year’s Resolutions, read on. You really do have the power to make 2012 your greatest year ever.

When I met my now fiancÃ© in law school, I had no idea that our match made in heaven would be made even sweeter with our shared passion for health and fitness. Each of us brought unique elements to our couple-hood: I was a personal trainer and competitor; He was an internal medicine doctor and ex-hockey player. Yup, I guess you could say we go together like peas and carrots… but even we know it can be harder than you think to avoid “love chub.”

My soon to be hubby and I went through our phase of wining and dining each other, while also finding little time (that we were willing to spend apart from each other) in order to hit the gym. Maybe all relationships need this phase, as I truly believe it offers the grand opportunity for intimacy and total acceptance — especially with our own bodies. (Remember ladies, your man probably thinks more favorably about your body than you do — take the hint). Even amongst its perks, this phase will inevitably run out, and either one or both of you will remember that you need to be healthy individuals in order to be a truly healthy couple. In our case, we began to focus on the health of my solo kidney (since it was just over a year post-donation) and started working out together. If you are like many of us who resolve to live healthier lives in 2012, here are my top tips for sticking to your resolution.

Make a Plan Together

So you have made a health or fitness related resolution this year… but have you actually taken the time to plan out your actions? It is much easier to stick to a plan than an oftentimes lofty goal. Sit down with your partner and outline the ways in which you will accomplish your resolutions together. Remember that when you have an accountability partner, you are more likely to succeed.

Focus on Enhancing, Not “Correcting”

While you certainly want to make some changes to your eating and fitness habits, remember that your relationship will be enhanced by these new changes. This is a chance for you and your partner to add fresh new ventures to your life — not to make quick fixes. I strongly recommend that you throw positive thinking into the mix. Compliment each other on your successes daily, and remember to be supportive instead of critical. Trust me on this one — you will find much more couple-hood bliss if you don’t constantly nag on each other to uphold your individual resolutions.

Fitness Dates

A study from Indiana University found that married couples who worked out together exercised more often — and were less likely to fall off the fitness wagon — than married people who exercised alone. Busy schedules can make it hard to find the time to actually exercise with your partner, but you can still incorporate fitness dates into your lives even if you can’t make it to the gym together. Take a dance class to burn the calories, or buy an annual park pass to get in touch with Mother Nature. Remember, there are plenty of ways that you and your partner can burn calories together at home — sex is an amazing way to stay connected and to work up a sweat. Rather exercise together at home than join a gym? Invest in an at home fitness program that you can do together.

Man up Meal Time

There is something about meat, men, and grills that mix oh-so-yummy together. It’s in their genes so let your man be the king of the grill. Getting guys to play grill master will get their attention when it comes to healthy meal planning. Plus, there is less work for you. Grilling is a great way to prepare meat since a lot of the fat just drips away. Add seasonal veggies packed in aluminum foil and splashed with lemon juice for a really succulent and healthy meal that men just LOVE helping with! You can also try having your man make chili with lean ground beef or turkey instead of full-fat ground round. Your guy won’t have any trouble keeping his diet clean if he is involved in the process.

Remember to Grow — Together

Sticking to a plan will not only help you both enhance your lives by becoming healthier individuals, but it will promote one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship: growth. Couples can either grow together, or grow apart — the choice is up to you. Allow your New Year’s Resolutions to become a vehicle for the growth of your partnership; you may not always stick to everything you set out to do, but if are patient with yourself and your partner, you can surely stick out your health and fitness goals of 2012 — together.

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Dr. Veronica Anderson: The Toe-Curling Fix Divorcees Need Most

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