Janet Carlson: Death, Taxes and To-Do Lists: You Can Take the Sting Out of One of Them
There are two kinds of people in the world the way I see it: those who like to get the chores done before they play or relax, and those who prefer to relax first and put off the work until “later.”
Both attitudes have their righteous aspects, so I’m not going to argue for one over the other, only mention that I am of the work-first type. And I’m familiar with the disadvantages, even dangers, of living by the to-do list. It can get ludicrous, that list — never-ending and self-propagating like a fungus producing spores. Maybe more like bacteria doing binary fission, dividing to recreate without cease.
I’ve found a way to tame the beast. It came to me a few years ago when I was trying to establish a better balance between work and whatever else.
In a philosophical moment — the kind that occur during strenuous work, while I’m on my knees, say, scrubbing the tub with one of those Magic Eraser sponges that make you feel so incredibly competent — my mind came up with this Big Idea: my work is never done. And my house is in a perpetual slide into untidiness. The implications are huge! I could die any minute and have missed out on all the fun. Or all the intimacy, if you ask my therapist from a few years back. She suggested that perhaps my to-do list was a barrier between me and my children; that flimsy little 4×6″ piece of paper? Stuff to do for my children was of course on this list — didn’t that count towards togetherness? No! The list might have been between me and my then-husband, too, who was the play-first type. I must say, in retrospect, we did get divorced over the dishes.
The other thing I realized was that if I always put work first, and the work never ended, I not only would be missing out on fun (and literature), I’d be pretty dull around others. It may not surprise you to learn that my girlfriends’ nickname for me is “Presbyterian.” I actually like the moniker; it has a nice austere ring to it, doesn’t it? I’m not religious, but I was raised Presbyterian, so it makes sense — having to do with the Protestant work ethic. Our country was built on that ethic! Because I love work, I love farmers, and the whole idea of that life — getting up before dawn, putting the cows’ needs ahead of your own, toiling in the immense quiet of the dark that’s full of such promise for the day ahead during which so much can — no, will — be accomplished. Then, crashing at about 4 p.m., which for most people is when their workday is barely half done. I wonder if the work-first types tend to be morning people.
This type-A life is not always a picnic, as many of you know. One day, when my working-mother to-do list was incredibly dense with tasks piling up and things spilling over from previous days, all in blue ink, some in ALL CAPS, along with updates and urgent reminders in scary red ink, well, I finally got like Albert Finney in Network: mad as hell. “This list that’s supposed to help me feel organized and prioritized is overwhelming me!” I raged at the unfeeling, finger-wagging tyrant. At the same time, I suspected I’d become a little compulsive, spending more time list-making than actually doing the things on it. I was using list-making like a security blanket to protect me from the stress of tackling so many chores and the threat of forgetting something. Ridiculous, I know. Time to make a change.
This is when the corollary to the Big Idea hit me. I decided then and there to try limiting my to-do list each day to only three things. How brilliant is that? You should have been in the staff meeting at Town & Country magazine where I worked at the time, and heard the nervous laughter all around when I mentioned my new practice in connection to a story idea somebody brought up about simplifying life; and you should have seen the glare my boss gave me as she realized she might not have been getting her money’s worth out of me. Frankly, I thought my innovation showed leadership ability.
I tossed off the yoke, and you can, too. The three-task limit means you have to prioritize before you write; that’s a lovely, calming exercise. If you’re feeling particularly reckless, I say dedicate one of the three slots to something fun now and then. The piece of paper with only three to-do’s on it becomes an elegant, inspiring influence rather than a nag. It helps you focus calmly and productively on what’s really important. All the rest will take care of itself. (Okay, that’s not exactly true, especially if you’re a high-level corporate exec for whom this recent piece by productivity consultant David Allen was intended in the New York Times: “When Office Technology Overwhelms, Get Organized (http://www NULL.nytimes NULL.com/2012/03/18/business/when-office-technology-overwhelms-get-organized NULL.html?pagewanted=1&sq=to-do%20lists&st=nyt&scp=2).”)
It’s been hard to have faith in my memory, but it’s doing a pretty good job. At certain points of the year, like tax-time, holidays and back-to-school days, I fall off the wagon and write a zillion notes-to-self in different places — the kitchen, the bedroom, the car, the back of my hand. Sometimes I do forget things, and it really annoys my intolerant teenage children, but the sky hasn’t fallen, and for the most part, my mind behaves remarkably like a Post-it Note or alarm clock. Occasionally, I veer from the three priorities because flexibility is important and life is what happens while you’re making other… lists.
One thing is non-negotiable, however. At the end of the day, you must always, always, write a “What I Accomplished Today” list. And let it be a long one.
For more by Janet Carlson, click here (http://www NULL.huffingtonpost NULL.com/janet-carlson).
For more on emotional wellness, click here (http://www NULL.huffingtonpost NULL.com/news/emotional-wellness).
For more on stress, click here (http://www NULL.huffingtonpost NULL.com/news/stress).
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Maureen Ryan: Why HBO Was Right To Cancel ‘Luck’
As I tried to process the news that HBO had suddenly canceled “Luck,” (http://www NULL.huffingtonpost NULL.com/2012/03/14/luck-canceled-hbo-dustin-hoffman_n_1346185 NULL.html) I read over some unpublished notes I’d made about the show’s Season 1 finale, which airs March 25.
One thing I wrote about was how much the show had made me care about the horses (http://www NULL.huffingtonpost NULL.com/2012/03/14/luck-horse-death-hbo_n_1344179 NULL.html) on the show — Mon Gateau, Gettin’ Up Morning and Pint of Plain weren’t just faceless animals to me. Their stories mattered, to the point that the race in the Season 1 finale had me on the edge of my seat … and not just because director Mimi Leder shot it with heartstopping intimacy and grace. The mere thought of something happening to any of those animals made me feel positively ill (and we need only recall the horse death in the show’s pilot (http://www NULL.huffingtonpost NULL.com/2011/12/12/luck-dustin-hoffman-tv-series_n_1142608 NULL.html) to know how crushing it can be when one of these injured animals has to be put down).
Here is a non-spoilery excerpt from my notes on the season (now series) finale’s big race:
“There were moments in this race in which the horses appeared to be floating, almost flying. It was a beautiful visual depiction of the emotions that the race aroused in those watching from the stands and those of us watching from our couches. It was impossible not to feel elated and tremendously worried and alive in those race scenes, and once again, I understood the allure of the track. When an incredible race is being run. It’s like a shot of adrenaline to the heart for those watching from the stands — but those of us in the TV audience got to be right in the middle of the action. Some worthy stories take us inside worlds we’ve never known, and some fictional tales capture the granular details and dilemmas of everyday life, and when David Milch is on his game, his shows do all those things and more. Thanks to his vision and the cast and directors’ subtle acuity, I understood why every character cared about that race. And, my God. Those horses were trying so hard, and that was a beautiful thing to see.”
How incredible, and ultimately poignant, that “Luck” made me care about the show’s animals as much as it made me care about the ragged people in that downtrodden world. Because creator David Milch loves not just the world, but the four-legged creatures that literally make it go, “Luck” allows the audience to see the horses as the intelligent and sometimes sensitive athletes they are. The races take us inside the dangerous traveling bubble that the jockeys and horses inhabit during races: We see just how vulnerable the small bodies of the jockeys are; we see just how dangerous it is to jostle for position in the middle of tons of thundering horseflesh; we see how smart the trainers are when their pre-race strategies pay off; we see how canny and competitive the animals and horses are in the midst of a two-minute explosion of ferocious, unpredictable energy.
No scripted show I’ve ever seen has ever gone inside a sport the way that “Luck” has. And maybe that’s the reason that I have to ultimately agree with the difficult decision to, in effect, euthanize the drama. No animal should die so that we could experience that magic.
Because Milch and fellow executive producer Michael Mann were so wonderful at making these horses come alive as individuals, it’s even harder now to contemplate them dying for the sake of art, as magical as that art might be.
Earlier today, when production was put on hold in light of a third animal death (http://www NULL.huffingtonpost NULL.com/2012/03/14/luck-horse-death-hbo_n_1344179 NULL.html), I understood the desire to stop filming until those deaths were investigated more thoroughly. (According to news reports, one animal died this week, during production on the second episode of the Season 2, and two other animals were euthanized after being injured in Season 1.)
I must admit, I was flummoxed at first by the news that the show would end for good, immediately. Why couldn’t the investigation go forward? Was HBO worried about pressure from animal rights groups (pressure that, as an animal lover and vegetarian, I didn’t exactly disagree with)? Why couldn’t more safeguards be put in place to protect the animals?
And, of course, business concerns can’t be completely ignored here. Was this partly a smokescreen for HBO’s desire to cancel a low-rated, if somewhat critically acclaimed show? As someone asked on Twitter, if “Luck” had had “True Blood’s” ratings, would this cancellation have happened? It’s a fair question.
In the end, I’m pretty sure HBO will say that ratings had nothing to do with the “Luck” decision, and I’m also fairly sure that, as was the case with the end of “Deadwood,” I’ll never be wholly sure of what to believe regarding the how and the why the show was canceled. The end of “Luck” might end up being only slightly less murky than the completely confusing and untimely end of “Deadwood.”
What I am sure of is that David Milch adores horses. I don’t have to ask him to know that; that love exudes from every frame of “Luck.” You only have to watch a few episodes of the show to know that he knows racetracks and horses better than almost anything else he’s ever studied. And what Milch is terrific at — and the “Luck” series finale on March 25 bears this out — is communicating profound, difficult emotions. It’s not hard to imagine how hard the horse deaths must have hit him.
And it’s because those subterranean emotions on “Luck” are so potent that you should absolutely keep watching “Luck,” (http://www NULL.huffingtonpost NULL.com/maureen-ryan/why-you-should-stick-with-luck_b_1285246 NULL.html) if you’ve given it a shot. Or you should watch it as an interesting, sometimes intensely compelling 9-episode miniseries, if you haven’t seen it yet. The show’s series finale is one of my favorite hours of television of the year; it’s absolutely gorgeous and the narrative comes together with fresh urgency and momentum.
What makes me sad about “Luck’s” untimely end is that, as I said in my review of the show (http://www NULL.huffingtonpost NULL.com/maureen-ryan/luck-hbo-dustin-hoffman-review_b_1234651 NULL.html), Milch’s best work is cumulative. He adds layers of meaning and emotion and nuance over time, and then, at select moments, slays you with moments of clarity and insight that show you his characters’ vulnerable cores. Nobody else does that the way he does that, and I really hope his next show gets more than one season to build up that kind of detail and emotional momentum.
Again, here’s an excerpt from my “Luck” finale notes, this time pertaining to the four railbirds at the center of the show:
“The idea that there’s a spark of transcendence that will lift them out of the muck of their lives is what animates them and keeps them going. They may live in cheap motels and take terrible care of themsevles, but the thundering hooves occasionally remind them that beauty does exist.”
That beauty couldn’t come from death. Though I’m sad “Luck” won’t go forward, I can understand that decision.
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